June graduation at Wilson High School for the Class of '05 is just around the corner. Yes...Commencement.... a time for new beginnings, but little do these teenie boppers know that years from now, they will also have a time to look back at the way they were. And most of us get the chance to do so in the form of class reunions. These traditional gatherings of old schoolmates may seem, on the surface, to offer little more than a structured way to relive school-day antics, but there might be much more going on. Why people do....or don’t.... go back for such an encounter with their past is very perplexing.
In August of 2002, the Class of '67 held a four year multi-class reunion('65,'66,'67 & '68) The reunion, held in Portsmouth, was a three-day event to which everyone who graduated from those Wilson classes was invited. There were even a handful of early sixty's and late sixty's graduates who attended. Somewhere around 800 people attended all four events held during the three days. We've all heard the old axiom, the main reason people go to their high school class reunion is to show off how successful they have become, who they're married too... or both!
Having attended all of the reunions for my class the first question I always asked is why people DON'T attend their reunion. Lack of money or time to travel. Dislike of their classmates and concern about whether their friends would come. [“No one I was close to might be there” and “What if no one remembers me?”] suggest a fear of loneliness or of being left out. How about they didn't feel good about their present lives (“I have not advanced very far” and “I’m overweight now”) and thus prefer to stay away.
And how about the people who DID attend. Why do they come? “To renew old friendships” or the likely presence of one special person at the reunion..... or to reminisce, to relive the fun and feelings that they experienced at Wilson. It’s sort of like having the best of childhood return. To see how others have changed.... To talk over life’s changes... To have people see the way I have changed...... "keeping track” of classmates so they might spend more time with them as retirement approached. How about those who are increasingly conscious of their own mortality and a reunion gives them an opportunity to grieve over lost classmates. Some attend for the pleasure of returning to familiar places. Others want to see old neighborhoods, revisit the home they grew up in and look for physical changes in the Portsmouth. Having lived in Atlanta for 30 years and now in Florida for 6 years, I like going back and seeing my actual physical roots....it gives me so much comfort. Even though I've been out of the Tidewater area since I left Wilson 38 years ago.... I get this strange sense of loyalty and appreciation to the community, the teachers that steered me in the right direction in life... even though that community and those teachers are no longer there! Sort of a "remembering when".
This was the Class of '67's sixth reunion. Generally, reunions are just that, a "reunion" with old friends rather than an opportunity for new relationships. Although I've always noticed most people have the desire to look one’s best. Some make special preparations for the reunion, ranging from systematically attempting to modify their appearance (going on a diet, starting an exercise program) to purchasing special clothing. One woman, who's name I won't mention, even scheduled eye surgery to avoid wearing her old “Coke bottle” glasses to the '02 reunion. Did anyone even notice? I didn't until she told me!
Reunions make you spend some time thinking about “how I was then” compared with “how I am now.” Unsurprisingly, mid life is traditionally the time for people to feel a need to reconnect with their roots. The biggest impact of the reunion was my personal feelings of belonging. I felt quite secure in where I was from. My years at Wilson High provided a solid foundation to reflect on how my roots there have prepared me for my adult life. As I watch the reports on TV news about the shootings in high schools across the country and see schools turned into police camps with metal detectors and armed guards at locked doors, I realize what an incredibly charmed era we all grew up in.... free from the problems of today.
Age has a tendency to smooth as it wrinkles. I noticed that in spite of gray and missing hair, almost all were much the same, especially when they laughed. Memories became reality again for those 3 days in August of 2002... which then were put away as attic treasures to be discovered again, sometime on a rainy day, I suppose to comfort the present and lighten the future.
I’ve been to my 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th and now the 35th and I have noticed we had a great deal of affection for each other…more this time. We have ceased trying to impress each other with accomplishments like we did on the 10th and 20th and now are becoming remarkably candid and open. Of course, everyone is older than you would like them to be, and this forces you to realize your own advancing age and appearance. This is the most significant reality-facing aspect of reunions, I think, and the principal reason why some don’t want to attend again. You be the judge!
Just a couple of years from now we'll be gathering for our 40th. And when we do... some will come... some won't. But the one thing that you can count on.... memories from the past will be renewed and the years that have passed will seem like only minutes. See you at the 40th!
Harvey Siegel, WWHS '67
